Untitled short stories
by Trench Mouth
Summary: Ok. These are going to be short stories about TwoBit. I really enjoy writing humorous stories about TwoBit. I think of them randomly thoughtout the day. So I decided to write them down. If anyone can think of a title...I could use help with that part. Te
1. Warhol

Disclaimer: I do not own the outsiders. But Two-Bit is really cool.

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One day , Pony came home after track, he went right into the kitchen and sat down at the table. Darry, who was cooking supper at the time, looked over at him. " Something wrong?"

"No...not really." Pony said.

Two-Bit was also at the table. He was been bored and had taken a random book off of the bookshelf and had been looking at it ever since.

"Not really?" Darry repeated. " What is it?"

"Nothing...just..In art, we usually do theory..and replicate pictures. Now the teacher wants us to do something..original. And I don't know what to do..." Pony said.

This was where Two-Bit started to butt in. " Why not draw a bathtub?"

Darry rolled his eyes at his friends stupidity, " Its been done, Two-Bit."

"Oh...well...how about...a typewriter?"

"Its been done, Two-Bit.." Darry sighed. Pony grinned.

"Ok...ok..what about one of them old timey telephone?"

"Its been done."

Two- Bit frowned. Ponyboy was now starting to laugh.

" A coke bottle?"

"Done. before, Two-Bit."

"Uh...a tuna can?"

Darry took the book from Two-Bit and smacked him with it.

"Ow. God damn it what the hell did I do?" Two-Bit asked, rubbing the back of his head.

"Stay away from my books." Darry said, then went into the living room to put the book back.

"Why? What was that one?" Two-Bit asked.

"It was collection of the works of Andy Warhol." Pony told him.

"Works? What works? There were only pictures in there..."

Ponyboy shook his head and went into his bedroom, leaving the confused Two-Bit alone in the kitchen.

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Note : All of the items Two-Bit mentions are infact works of art by Warhol during the 50's and 60's.


	2. Back Catcher

Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders.

Note: I got the idea for this short while watching the Sandlot. I watched it and was all like, "Oh yeah, that's like, totally Two-Bit". Then I hit myself for saying like and totally. :)

Another note: Yay. reviews. :)

xxMonkeyPunkxx - I am glad you love my Two-Bit stories because I love writing them. I hope you enjoy. Post-script: I love your name, Monkeypunk. Its a fun name.

Superdope - Yes. Two-Bit is very entertaining.

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Two-Bit loves playing baseball in gym. He loved getting outside, getting some fresh air..and he loved being the back catcher.

" You need to relax abit...you're way too tense. You're gunna miss it, I'm tellin' ya..." Two-Bit said just before the Soc at bat took a swing, and like Two-Bit said, He did miss. Two-Bit threw the ball back to the pitcher and went back to his position.

"You wanna know what I do to relax? Its real easy..I just think about your sister."

Swing. Miss. Two-Bit catches it and throws it back.

"Yeah...I just...picture her up near the bleachers...naked...shes naked - "

Swing and a miss. The Soc turned around, " Shut up, Greaser!" He yelled.

Two-Bit raised his hands, " Hey now, I'm just tryin' to start a friendly conversation here..."

There was a pause. The soc dropped the bat and started walking away when Two-Bit asked, " You think she'll go out with me?"

-------

The next Soc at bat missed the first time. Two-Bit laughed and said, " That's one. Man, you suck at this."

Missed the second one, too. He gripped the bat tighter.

"Here it comes, it's coming, I tell ya. Strike three! You're out."

Once again, the soc missed and walked off, cursing Two-Bit under his breath.

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"Man, it looks like you got beaten half to death by a ugly stick."

The Soc swings and misses. Two-Bits facial expression was deadpan.

"Seriously..." He said, " You should really consider surgery.."

The soc cursed as he missed the ball..

"You know, if my dog was as ugly as you. I'd shave his butt and tell him to walk backwards. "

As it turned out, this specific soc had a short temper. He threw down the bat and tackled Two-Bit. It took several minutes for the teacher to break up the fight, in the end, the soc had a broken nose, and Two-Bit had a black eye and a busted lip, laughing uncontrollably.

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ta da!


	3. Customer Commet

Disclaimer : I do not own the Outsiders.

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Two-Bit stepped into a restaurant. His mother had sent him out to get food, so he came here. While he was waiting for the food to be done, he sat down at an empty table. He noticed a piece of paper under the salt. He picked it up, ' Customer Comment Card', it said. He looked around and saw a golf pencil by the pepper, he grabbed it and began to fill out the card.

Date of Visit : When hell froze over.

Location : Hell.

Name:Ura Snotball

What did you order : Shit on a stick with a side of corn.

Quality of food : Poor

Speed of staff: Poor

Courtesy of staff : Terrible. Mean. Bastards.

Appearance of Staff: Shitty

Cleanliness: Horrible.

Comments: Staff members don't wash hands. Dude with Beatles hair cut masturbated into the cream corn. I saw him. Then I saw another guy eat with it. Gross bastards.

"Order 45, pick up."

Two-Bit smirked. He stuck the golf pencil behind his ear, paid for, and picked up his order, dropping the card of in the little box

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He he he .


	4. Pig

Disclaimer: I do not own the outsider.

Warning: Very very very short.

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Two-Bit was leaning against the outside of a corner store when a Soc walked buy with a small puppy in his arms. As he passed, Two-Bit asked, " What's with the pig?"

The Soc stopped and turned around, " Are you blind, Greaser? This ain't a pig-."

"I wasn't talkin' to you" Two-Bit told him, " I was talkin' to the dog."

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Told ya it was short.


	5. Shopping

Disclaimer : I do not own the Outsiders.

Note: The next few chapters are going to be very very very short, ok?Ok.

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Two-Bit had absolutely nothing to do, so he went to the mall. He visited many stores, but found nothing he liked. He decided to check one more store. While inside, he saw Curly slipping a Zippo lighter into his pocket. Smirking, he went over to him and looked at the display, " Damn...would ya look at these prices, Curly?"

Curly raised an eyebrow, but said nothing to the older hood.

Two-Bit continued, " Downright robbery, ain't it?"

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	6. Orange Juice

Disclaimer : I do not own the Outsiders.

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When Two-Bit was drunk and wandered into a department store and saw a large breasted woman standing by a baby carriage. He looked at the baby and said, "Cute kid. Whatcha feedin' him?"

The woman smiled and replied, "Milk and orange juice."

Two-Bit stared at her chest for a moment, then asked, "Which one's the orange juice?"

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	7. Bus Ride

Disclaimer : I do not own the Outsiders.

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Two-Bit was a bus to go downtown with a major hangover from the night before. As he moved to get a seat, he lost his balance and fell into the lap of a Blond Soc.

She pushed him off of her lap, " God, you filthy Greaser, " She growled, " If _I_ were in _your_ condition, I'd shoot my self."

Two-Bit groaned, " Girl, if _you_ were in _my_ condition, you'd miss."

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	8. Motel Room

Disclaimer : I do not own the Outsiders.

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Two-Bit and a friend of his had went to Oklahoma City for a trip. After getting completely drunk, they decided to turn in for the night and get a motel room. They got into the clerk and and Two-Bit says, " Give us a bed with two rooms..."

The clerk raised an eyebrow, " You mean a room to two beds?"

Two-Bit slammed his hand on the counter , " Don't argue with me, pal. Just give us a room."

So the clerk gave them a room with one bed. When they got to the room, they were too drunk to find the light switch so they felt their way to the bed. After laying in silence for a few minutes, Two-Bit said, " I think there is someone in my bed.."

"Now that ya mention it, " His friend said, " I think theres someone in my bed, too.."

"Well. Lets kick 'em out."

After about 10 minutes of wrestling, Two-Bit's friend ended up on the floor.

"How'd you do ?" Two-Bit asked.

"Not good. Ass hole kicked me out."

"Thats ok," Two-Bit said, " You can sleep in the bed with me."

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	9. Essay

Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders.

Note: Again, this is short.

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Two-Bit had to write a ' How To ' essay for english class and it was due at the end of the week. So, at the end of the week, he hands the teacher a signle sheet of paper with only several of the lines used up. He ended up getting an A- for his essay. This is what it said.

How to Escape from Jail

By : Keith Matthews.

First, take a carpenters trade.

Second, make a stool, then you saw the stool in half.

Two halves make a whole, right?

Put the whole against the wall and crawl through.

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Note : This logic will only work for Two-Bit, Newfies and Cape Bretoners.


	10. Nightmare

Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders.

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Two-Bit was standing beside a Soc in a vacant parking lot.

Suddenly, Two-Bit said " I'm a vampire." Then he turned into a vampire.

The soc looked at him, then said, " Oh yeah? Well I'm an Umpire." Then the soc is dressed like an umpire.

Two-Bit glares for a moment, then said, " Hocus Pocus! I'm a bat!" Then he turned into a bat.

The soc smirks, " I can be a bat, too. Hocus Pocus." Then he turned into a baseball bat.

Two-Bit (still in bat form) puts on a pair of glasses, " You wouldn't his a bat with glasses on, would you?"

The bat swings at Two-Bit..

"_AHHHHHHHHH!"_

Two-Bit fell out of bed and looked around his darkened room, breathing heavily. " Damn.." He muttered. " That is the last time I ever watch that damned Bugs Bunny..."

He crawled back into bed, got under the covers, " I'm just gunna stick with Micky Mouse..."

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Second disclaimer : I got this Idea while watching the Bugs Bunny and Tweety show. The short cartoon this was taken from ( Transylvania 6-5000) Writen by John W.Dunn and Directed by ( Drum roll please ) Chuck Jones!


	11. Cars

Disclaimer : Same as the others.

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Two-Bit was walking past the post office when he noticed the parked car. Inside, a man was asleep in the front seat. Now, Two-Bit being such a nice guy, decided to wake him up.

First, Two-Bit directly in front of the car. He then sprawled himself on the hood with is head near the windshield.

Then, he started hitting the hood and the windshield, yelling, " STOP! STOP! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! STOP!"

The man inside jerked away and instantly began to panic. He screamed and pulled the emergency break, which of course, did nothing.

Two-Bit rolled of the hood. The man in the car jumped out, still panicking, " Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!" He knelt down beside Two-Bit, " Are you ok?"

"Oh, Yeah, I'm fine. " Two-Bit stood up and brushed himself off, then just walked away.

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	12. Dear Boss,

Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders.

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When Two-Bit entered the living room in the Curtis house, he noticed something on the table. Curious, he picked it up.

"Dearest diary, ..." He started to read. He looked at the cover, it was Ponyboy's. He laughed at the fact that Pony had a diary. Then he though, Dare I read Pony's diary? Of course.

Dearest Diary,

God placed me here to kill all whores. What fools the police are. I even gave them my address. I left them so many clues. They'll never catch me...which was too bad for my latest, and last victim, Mary Kelly. She screamed only once before a cut her delicate throat. It was the unkindest cut of all, ha ha. Oh , I had so much fun. I took my time. I cut open her chest and her abdomen, removing many of her orangs and tossing them about the room. I carved the skins off the bones, too. When I was done, there was little to no skin left on her face. I could see her femur, and her ribs. I burned the heart in the fireplace before I left. But I heard what the police think I did with that heart...they think I boiled it, ate it..

Two-Bit couldn't read it anymore. He was pale. He sat there for a moment, taking it all in when Darry came though the door. Two-Bit jumped up and ran over to him, " Darry! Darry! Ponyboy killed someone! I think he did it before, too!"

"Two-Bit, what the hell are you talking about?"

"Here." Two-Bit handed Darry the diary. Darry read it quickly. He rolled his eyes, then rolled up the 'Diary' and smacked Two-Bit in the head with it, muttering, "Moron..."

Ponyboy came down the hall and Darry went up to him, handing him the 'diary' and said, " Finish your homework."

Ponyboy nodded, then sat down and started to write again.

Two-Bit looked at Ponyboy. He glanced up from his writing at Two-Bit, who then ran out of the house.

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	13. Birds

Disclaimer : I do not own the Outsiders...

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Two-Bit was bored. It happens alot to him. He sighed and went outside and sat on his step. After a while, a bunch of birds landing on the front lawn, digging into the ground for worms. This gave Two-Bit an idea. A wonderfully awful idea. He lept up and went to his car and drove off.

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He walked into a department store and looks around abit. He wandered around the store for a while before he went up to a young clerk and asked her, " Do you see bird seeds here?"

The girl smiled, " Yes.It's in Aisle 7."

"Ok, good. Thank you." Two-Bit went down to Aisle 7 and grabbed a bag of bird seed and walked a round a bit more. He found the same clerk and went up to her.

She smiled at him, " I see you found the bird seeds."

"Yes I did, thank you very much. I was wondering if you could help me find somethin' else..."

"Sure"

"Good." Two-Bit smiled, " I'm looking for a pellet gun..."

The girls smiled was gone. She gasped and covered her mouth in horror. There was this long awkward silence( well, for the clerk, anyway) and the clerk said, " I...I ...I have to go.." and hurried off.

Two-Bit laughed and went to the check out.

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When Two-Bit got home, he scattered some of the bird seed around and sat down to watch the birds come for the food...


	14. Mind Fuck

Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders. And the song is written by Joseph. E Howard.

Note: In the last chapter, Two-Bit never killed any birds.

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"Guys! Come here, ya'll gotta see this.." Two-Bit said, looking out the window. " Pony and Johnny are actually talking. Like, an actually conversation. They've been at it for 10 minutes,almost.."

The guys came over and looked at the window. Pony and Johnny were just sitting on the porch.

"They ain't talkin' , Two-Bit. " Steve said.

"You were probably imaginin' it." Soda agreed. They all went to sit back down.

"Probably.."

After a few minutes, Two-Bit looked out the window. They were talking again.

"Guys! Guys! There doing it again, look."

Once again, everyone got up and looked out the window, " Two-Bit, they ain't doin' nothin'. .."

"But...but I saw 'em..."

"Really? Was it anything like...Hello, my baby , hello, my honey, hello, my ragtime gal. Send me a kiss by wire, baby, my hearts on fire," By this time, Steve had joined Soda in his singing, " if you refuse me, honey, you'll lose me, then you'll be left alone. Oh baby, telephone and tell me I'm your own."

Two-Bit wasn't amused "No, guys, I'm serious.."

"Sure you are, Two-Bit." Dallas laughed .

Two-Bit looked out the window...They were talking again...

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Meanwhile, Outside.

"D'ya think Two-Bit realizes were just messin' with him?"

Johnny shook his head, "Not likely..."

There was a moment of silence, the Pony said, " So, back to our discussion...Whos better, Bela lugosi, or Boris Karloff?"

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	15. kindergarten

Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders.

Note: Two-Bit is only about 4-5 years old and his dad is still there.

Warning: Short and kind of stupid.

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The kids in kindergarten were leaning animals. The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked the students what it was. A small boy with rusty colored hair raised his hand, " Its a cat!"

"Very good, Keith. Now, who can tell me what this is?" She held up a picture of a dog.

Once again, Keith raised his hand, "Thats a dog!"

"Right, again Keith. And what about this one?" She held up a picture of a deer.

No one answered.

"I'll give you a clue," The teacher said, " It's something your mother calls your father..."

After another moment of silence, Keith raised his hand, " Oh, I know. It's a horny bastard!"

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	16. Condoms

Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders.

Note: I heard this joke a while ago.It's kind of an old joke. It just seems like something that would happen to Two-Bit..

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Two-Bit goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist behind the counter said that they come in packs of 3 and 6 and asked which one he wanted. He said the 3 pack. He told the pharmacist that he'd been seeing this girl for a while now and thought tonight might be ' the night' and thought he'd get lucky when they go out after having dinner with her parents. He bought the condoms and left.

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Later that evening, at the dinner table with his girl friend her parents, he asks if he could give the blessing. He begins the prayer, but goes on for 10 minutes. The girl leans over and whispers, " You never told me you were such a religious person.."

Two-Bit leans to hers and whispers, " You never told my your dad was a pharmacist..."

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	17. Smut

Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders.

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"Whatcha doin', Pony?"

"Homework."

Two-Bit raised an eyebrow, " Really? I thought you was just readin'."

"Its for English class." Pony told him, "We have to pick a play, read it, and do a project on it."

"Really? What play'd you chose?"

"Oedipus Rex"

"So whats it about?"

"You mean summerize it?"

"Yeah."

"uh...Do you want the long verson, or the short verson?"

"Short.."

At this point, Darry come out of the bathroom in only bluejeans, drying his hair with a towle

"Well...basicly, Oedipus kills his father and marries his mother..."

"What?" Two-Bit snatched the book out of Pony's hands, " Darry!"

Darry sighed, " What?"

"Do you know what your kid brother is readin'?"

"Yeah..Oedipuis Rex.."

"You know what its about?"

Darry sighed, " Yes. Oedipus kills his father and married his mother.."

"You Knew? And you let him read it anyway?"

"Yes." Darry took the book from Two-Bit, " Oedipus is the child of Laius and Jocasta, killer of his father, husband of his mother. Shattered, Oedipus leaves. The messenger then reports the death of Jocasta: she has hanged herself in her chambers. Oedipus broke into her room and put out his eyes with her pin. Oedipus departs Thebes forever." He shrugged and gave the book back to Ponyboy.

"Thats smut!"

"No, thats classic literature." Darry said, "Smut is those magizines you hide under your mattress.."

"Wait a minute..." Two-Bit raised an eyebrow, " How'd you know about those?"

"I didn't." Darry smirked, and headed back into the bathroom.

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	18. Beat

Disclaimer: I do not own the outsiders, or the poems in this chapter, they belong to Lawrence Ferlinghetti, found in his book ' A Coney Island of The Mind'

Note: This is very strange and pointless. This is a result of a Beat binge.

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"Darry?"

Darry sighed, " What?"

"Ponyboy's a vampire..."

Darry closed the book he was reading and put it on the table. Then he turned to face Two-Bit, frowning, " Ponyboy..." He paused for a moment, " Is a vampire?"

"Yes! It's the only logical explanation!"

"Logical explanation..." Again, Darry sighed, " explanation to what?"

"To his recent behavior. The dark clothes, sunglasses, going out at night with other people in dark clothes and sunglasses..."

Darry shook his head, " He isn't a vampire, Two-Bit."

"Oh, yeah? And how do you know, huh?"

"I just do, ok? "

"Then where does he go at night?"

" I have a pretty good idea of where he goes. He's just going though a phase, leave him alone.."

"I'm going to follow him tonight."

"No, you're not."

"Yeah, I am."

"No, you're not."

Two-Bit sighed and stood up, " Fine. I won't follow him..."

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Later that night, Two-Bit waited for Ponyboy to leave the house. He followed him to the middle of town where he went into some dimly lit cafe. He waited a few minutes before going inside. Everyone seemed to be drinking coffie or smoking a cigarette. There was a stage near the back, which everyone was facing. There was a sign at the corner of the stage that that ' Readings from A Coney Island Of the Mind tonight' He just stood near the wall as some goofy looking guy got up on the stage with a book in his hand.

"Don't let that horse eat that violin cried Chagall's mother But he kept right on painting And became famous And kept on painting The Horse With Violin In Mouth And when he finally finished it he jumped up upon the horse and rode away waving the violin And then with a low bow gave it to the first naked nude he ran across And there were no strings attached "

Two-Bit found this strange, and slightly disturbed. The guy wasn't reading like a normal person. The spacing was all wrong, and after he finished, everyone started to snap their fingers. He got alittle freaked out and left.

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Once he stepped into the living room at the Curits house, Darry looked at him, and sighed, " You just had to follow him didn't you?"

"How'd you know?"

Darry smirked, "See it was like this when we waltz into this place a couple of Papish cats is doing an Aztec two-step And I says Dad let's cut but then this dame comes up behind me see and says You and me could really exist Wow I says Only the next day she has bad teeth and really hates poetry " He snapped his fingers and went down the hall to his bed room, leaving a very confused Two-Bit sitting on the couch.


	19. Wilde

Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders, and all of the clever clever quotes belong to Oscar Wilde.

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"So, Pony, how was school?" Darry asked.

"Ok, I guess.." Pony sighed.

"What's wrong?"

"Well..nothing...it's just...This girl started flirtin' with me today, and I don't know if she wants me to ask her out, or if she was just teasin', or what..."

"A woman will flirt with anyone in the world, so long as the other women are looking on." Two-Bit said.

Darry raised an eyebrow. But Pony turned his attention to Two-Bit, " Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Well...when they do that, how do you know what they mean?"

"Pony, if you really want to know what a woman means, which is dangerous, always look at her but never listen."

Pony was listening intently at this point, " But she's kinda...out of my league.."

"The husbands of very beautiful women usually belong to the criminal classes."

Pony nodded, " So..what..is there...some..specific way I should act...or not act around her?"

"If a man is a gentleman,he knows quite enough, and if he is not a gentleman, whatever he knows is likely to be bad for him."

Ponyboy was about to say something when Darry stood up and said, " Pony, go do your homework."

Pony sighed, but got up and went to his room to do his homework.

As soon as Darry heard Pony's door close, he turned to Two-Bit, " I knew it was you!"

"What?"

"You stole my book!"

"...Maybe.."

"Give it back. Now."

"What? Now? Um..I can't now."

"Give it back."

"Come on, Dare. I got a date tonight using this stuff. I think it's total bull shit, but the girls love it."

"Give it back."

"But I need it for tonight!"

"Give it back."

"Damnit, Darry.It's like talking to a brick wall, you aint even listenin' to me!"

"Yeah, well, I like talking to a brick wall, I find it is the only thing that never contradicts me." Darry smirked.

"Wise ass" Two-Bit muttered. He got his jacket and took the book out of the inside pocket. " You aint gunna hit me with this when I give it back, right?"

"Right."

Two-Bit handed the book to Darry.

Darry smacked Two-Bit with the book.

"Why'd you do that? You just said you wouldn't!" Two-Bit yelled.

"I can resist everything except temptation." Darry smirked and went to his bed room.

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	20. Enter Sandman

Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders.

Note about chapter 12.: Ponyboy had to write a journal of a historic person for his English class, and he chose to do it on Jack the Ripper.

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Two-Bit woke at about 1:14 pm monday afternoon with no memory of the night before. He sat up and looked around, noticing he wasn't in his bedroom. He was in the living room at the Curtis house. He stood up and stretched, then went into the bathroom. He was surprised by what he saw in the mirror. There was dirt on his face...and neck. He looked down at his clothes and noticed they had new stains of grass and dirt.. He took of his shirt and found more smudges of dirt and dried mud. He shrugged, I just take a shower.. he thought.

He stripped down and got into the shower and turned on the water.. He sighed, and started to hum, but ended up singing,"Mr. Sandman, bring me a dre-e-eam ,bung, bung, bung, bung. Make him the cutest that I've ever se-e-een ,bung, bung, bung, bung. Give him two lips like roses and clo-o-o-ver ,bung, bung, bung, bung. Then tell him that his lonesome nights are o-o-over. Sandman, I'm so alone Don't have nobody to call my own Please turn on your magic beam Mr. Sandman, bring me a dre-e-eam.Bung, bung, bung, bung"

He started to rub the shampoo in his hair, "Mr. Sandman, bring me a dree-e-e-eam. Make him the cutest that I've ever seen. Give him the word that I'm not a rover Then tell him that his lonesome nights are o-o-over. Sandman, I'm so alone. Don't have nobody to call my own .Please turn on your magic be-e-eam Mr. Sandman, bring me a dre-e-eam. "

By this time, Two-Bit had washed the shampoo out of his hair and stepped out of the shower and started to dry off and get dressed, "Mr. Sandman bring us a dre-e-eam Give him a pair of eyes with a "come-hither" gleam. Give him a lonely heart like Pagliacci And lots of wavy hair like Liberace-e-e-e Mr Sandman, someone to hold ,someone to hold, Would be so peachy before we're too old. So please turn on your magic be-e-eam .Mr Sandman, bring us, please, please, please Mr Sandman, bring us a Dre-Ahhh!"

Two-Bit had opened the door and noticed Darry standing across the hall.Darry always seems to the be the one catching Two-Bit doing embarrassing things. His arms were folded and the look on his face was one Two-Bit see's all the time, and everything he see's that look , he expects Darry to say something like, 'Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Darrel S. Curtis, genius. I am not selling anything nor am I working my way through college, so let's get down to basics, you are a greaser and I am going to beat you up. Now don't try to get away, I am more muscular, more cunning, faster and larger than you are and I am a genius, while you could hardly pass the entrance examinations to kindergarten, so I'm going to give you the customary two minutes to say your prayers.'

" The Chordettes, Two-Bit?"

"Shouldn't you be at work?" Two-Bit asked.

"I got a day off...I told you that yesterday." He shook his head, and walked away. Two-Bit could of sworn he heard him say, "Being a genius certainly has its advantages."

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Disclaimer #2: Mr. Sandman belongs to the Chordettes and the quotes (originally said by Wile. E Coyote, in Operation: Rabbit) belong to Chuck Jones.


	21. Fleet Street

Disclaimer: I do not own the outsiders or anything

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"Anyone up?"

"Yeah."

Two-Bit followed the sound of the voice until he was in front of the open bathroom door. He smiled, " You shavin' Pony?"

"Yeah.."

"Since when?"

"Since today, Two-Bit."

"Oh..." Two-Bit watched in silence for a moment, then said, " If you do it like that, you'll cut yourself."

"No I won't.."

"Yes..you will...here..let me.."

"No.."

"Come on, just -"

"No, get away.."

"No..you gotta .."

"Get lost..."

"No..Pony..you got to.."

"Stop!"

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When Darry stepped into the kitchen, he saw Two-Bit cleaning a cut on Ponyboys neck. He sighed, " Its not that hard to shave, Pony.."

"Hey, I would of been just fine if Sweeny Todd hadn't stepped up.."

"I was only trying to - wait..who's Sweeny Todd?"

Ponyboy and Darry looked at each other for a moment, then back at Two-Bit, " You know..." Ponyboy shrugged," The demon barber of Fleet Street?"

Two-Bit shrugged and shook his head.

"He's a barber and a serial killer...kills them with a straight razor...cut their throats.." Darry explained.

Again, Two-Bit Shrugged and shook his head.

"They made the story into a film in 1936, starring Tod Slaughter...Any of this ringing a bell?" Ponyboy asked.

"No..Should it?"

"We saw the movie last week!" Pony told him

"We did?"

"Yes! Remember? It was a black and white, silent film."

"Oh..yeah..." He scratched the back of his neck, " I don't really pay attention to those types of movies.."

-----

Short, yes, but I just started school and am kind of busy..


	22. Break Up

Disclaimer : I do not own the outsiders.

Note : This one is short, as are the next 2. And Two-Bit seems abit mean in all of them...Shnoogins.

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"Sorry, Cathy, but this aint workin' out..." Two-Bit said, shrugging slightly.

"You'll never find someone like me again!" She shouted.

Two-Bit raised his eyebrows, " I hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want something like you?"

----


	23. Cow

Disclaimer : Yada yada. Blech...

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Two-Bit was walking down the street when a lady come up to him and pointing at his leather jacket.

"You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" she sneered.

So Two-Bit replied, in a pshycotic tone, " I didn't know there were any witnesses...now I'll have to kill you, too."

----


	24. Cat

Disclaimer: Sigh Grumble Grumble

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Two-Bit was driving for hours through desolate country when he passed a farmhouse, and before he could react, a cat ran out in front of him and hit it.

Out of kindness and consideration, he stopped, turned around and drove back to the farmhouse to notify the occupants.

When the housewife came to the door, said he, "Pardon Ma'am, but I just ran over a cat in front of your house, and assumed that it must belong to you. I know this might be hard to hear, but I wanted to let you know instead of just driving off..."

"Not so fast", says she. "How do you know it was our cat? What does he look like?"

Two-Bit laid down on the ground, and said "He looks like this" and he gave his best shot at a dead cat impression.

"Oh no, you _horrible_ boy!", she replied. "I meant, what did he look like _before_ you hit him?"

Two-Bit got up, covered his eyes with both hands and screamed "Agggghhhhhhhhhh !"

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	25. Cops

Disclaimer: I do not own the outsiders.

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Two-Bit looked in his rearview mirror and sighed as he saw flashing red and blue lights. He pulled the car over and rolled down the window as the cop got out of his car and came over.

"Is there a problem, officer?"

"Boy, do you know how fast you were going?"

"Uh, no sir, I don't sir." Two-Bit put on his best innocent face. The officer raised an eyebrow and stared at Two-Bit for a moment, then said, " Boy, I noticed your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"

Two-Bit shook his head, "Naw, Officer, just tired.." He said. Then he raised an eyebrow and stared at the cop for a moment, then said, " Officer, I noticed your eyes are glazed. Have you been eatin' doughnuts?"


End file.
